It’s too probably too cold to dive when . . . 1) "Your buddy has a long white beard and keeps saying, `Ho Ho Ho.`" 2) "You see more frozen fish than the I & J factory." 3) "The divemaster is sporting fur fins." 4) "Even the penguins are wearing neoprene." 5) "You taken to the dive site by way of Zamboni." 6) "You had to use de-icer on your mask." 7) "The guys from the Polar Bear Club are driving away, calling YOU crazy." 8) "The readout on your computer just says, `BRRR!!!`" 9) "The dive boat was a Coast Guard Icebreaker." 10) "The divemaster`s pet parrot looks mysteriously like an emperor penguin."