Zen advice

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. It’s always darkest before dawn.
So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper,
that’s the time to do it.

3 . No one is listening until you fart.

4 . If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing
a mortgage payment.

5 . Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile
away and you have their shoes.

6 . If at first you don’t succeed - skydiving is not for
you.

7 . Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, he will sit in a boat and drink
beer all day.

8 . If you lend someone £320 and never see that person
again, it may have been well worth it.

9 . Don’t worry. It only seems kinky the first time.

10 .Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot
of that comes from bad judgment.

12 . There are two theories about arguing with women.
Neither one works.

13 . Experience is something you don’t get until just
after you need it.

14 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative at the same time.