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Sounds like you really need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife. Are you giving her any reasons to suspect anything hanky panky is going on during your dive trips? Are you diving with a female dive buddy? If no to both...then continue reading:
Tell your wife how important diving is to you. Ask her to come along to offer surface support. Put her in charge of some of the logistics and give her some responsibility to manage on her own...she may like that. Like shopping for picnic supplies, or picking the next dive spot (maybe one around an area that she wants to visit also).
And here’s the real kicker...do something things with her that she likes that you may not. If you love her and she loves you, you both need to work something out. Scuba diving is supposed to be a stress reliever, not cause marital problems. Good luck man!
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Have been in the same boat with respect to the non diving wife,, Our solution was an easy one found dive buddies who also had a spouse that didn’t dive, planned trips together that afforded the "NON DIVERS" things to do and see, while we hit the water... And as stated above you have to make some time to do the land lubbers stuff with them to keep the peace.
It is a very delicate balancing act to say the least but if you truely want it to work out then it will with some give and take on both parties..
Live aboards are a great way to get the best of both worlds, spend some time do a little research and most of all talk to her and explain what you would like to get out of a vacation, and be sure to ask what she would like to have from the same vacation...
There are a lot of non diving spouses out there, for me I have decided since my divorice many years ago I will not date or Marry a non diver..
Good luck.
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OK,
Besides kicking her to the curb (the best advice),
you could try a "Beaches" vacation. Diving included, lots of family and kid activities and "SHE" can sit on the beach and complain while you take in free diving. Diving included at no additional cost.
This reminds me of what a friend said at hunting camp one year about a complaining wife, "I can understand a young newly wed going through this, but a fully grown man?" No wonder she has an ex-husband, lucky bastard got out early.
On the mid-life thing, don;t let it get to you I’m 56 years old and hunt fish and dive like a teenager.
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I have been diving since 1971, some of my best years was when my brother and I dove commercially. When I got married my wife was a non-diver, after we took a couple dives trips with my brother and his non-diving wife, she wanted me to stop for the fear of losing me. You have to do what you think is best for you and your marriage. I wish I never stopped diving because I love being in that magnificent underwater world, and if she loved me as much as she said she did, she should have trusted I would dive safely to always come back to her. She divorced me in 1993 after 10 yrs, it has been very difficult to get the extra money and time to dive since. I am now 55 and still in the same boat (oops no boat lost it in the divorce) same situation. If you have the Discretionary money and you love diving as much as I do, I hope you can work it out with her so you can keep diving, because I miss it very much. At 55 I still can dive and still want to when ever and as often as possible.
Good Luck
Dive Safe and Always have Fun
Bruce
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It sounds like diving is the least of your issues...
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Sorry to say, but it sounds like a bad fit. I was in your shoes once, and ended up getting single again. Best choice I ever made.
Safe diving,
Wayne
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I’m not hiding who this is. It’s Becky, Greg’s wife (owner of DB) As most of you know, I’m not a diver. I have the same fear of the water and honestly, absolutely no desire to see under the water. I know that most of you don’t understand that because ya’ll love the water but I just don’t. For years, Greg tried to talk me into diving and still occasionally does. He can ask all that he wants but I think he has half way accepted that I’m not going to do it. Period. (hehe... sorry baby!) For years, I kicked myself in the butt for not making myself decide to get certified because it would be important to Greg if I did but I don’t care to but I’m not holding him back from it. Maybe it sounds like I’m stubborn to some of you that I won’t but Greg and I make it work in our relationship. I’m all for Greg going out and diving. Whether he meets a buddy for a local dive or if we go on a dive vacation and he dives with others and I have a drink on the beach or snorkel while he’s diving from a boat. I’m totally supportive because he LOVES the sport. I would hate myself if I kept him from that. If we had more $$ and Greg was able to take off work, I’d want him diving alot more often. We’d be tan from tropical vacations together.
With your wife, I honestly feel sorry for you. As someone else said, ya’lls problem (I FEEL) isn’t about diving. Maybe it’s control with her saying no or just giving you crap when you bring up the idea, her shooting it down. I’m sure she knows by this point how exciting diving is for you so she should be willing to meet 1/2 way.
A vacation so that she can relax and get away while you dive would be wonderful for you both, I’m sure. Doesn’t everyone need to get away from the real world? She can choose how she wants to spend her time. Whether she’s worried that you’ll meet some hot girl on the dive boat or you’re going to make a bad choice and something happen under water or you’re wasting money.. it doesn’t matter. She needs to trust you and with diving and in life in general if ya’ll are going to make the marriage work.
I’m not for divorce but I understand in some situations, it may be necessary. However, besides this being ya’lls life together... this is YOUR life and I would hate for anyone to grow old with regrets..
Again, these are just my thoughts.. ignore them if you want to.
Good luck!
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I’ve had issues with her with other things as well. For instance I occasionally want to go play poker with the guys and we do play for a small buy in of $10.00 per person and she has every excuse in the world why I can’t go do that as well.
I’ve already decided I’m going to be happy no matter what. I think my youngest stepson might be interested in doing it so I’m going to go that route and see how it plays out. I mean if it’s father/son bonding then that’s one of her defenses blown out of the water (pun intended).
I don’t expect her to get certified and would never try to push the issue I just feel that as much as I love diving and being there as a spouse she should understand this. Hopefully things will get better if I can get the kid involved. Crossing my fins;)
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This is Randy. I have never seen a healthy relationship that did not include time for oneself to socialize outside the relationship, whether that is a "night out with the girls/boys", a sporting event with a child, or a dive trip. People in healthy relationships want the other person to pursue their passion, even if they may not share it.
My parents have been married for over 55 years. Many passions and hobbies they share and do together, some they don’t. One has never held the other back from doing something they really were passionate about. They are happy for them.
RJF
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Sorry to say, but it sounds like a bad fit. I was in your shoes once, and ended up getting single again. Best choice I ever made. Safe diving, Wayne... 2nd’d
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Update: I am happy to report that after some heartfelt talking we have come up with what I feel is a fair solution.
I can dive once per quarter with one "Big" trip per year of over $1000.00 and the other 3 trips all under $1000.00 each.
Also, once per quarter I do something she enjoys doing and try something new such as skiing, hiking, etc.
If we happen to be on vacation at the coast and can work it out with dive buddies I also get a bonus dive in because we are already there.
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Well there you go, often times communication is all you need. Congrats.
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My God,, I think you’ve found MY Ex! Maybe this is a matter for Dr. Phil!!! I’m Really Glad things seem to "seem" like they’ve turned out good, but didn’t you say earlier that you are the the one working and supporting? and she couldn’t hold down a job? well hope that has changed, since you have said in your last post that "
I can dive once per quarter with one "Big" trip per year of over $1000.00 and the other 3 trips all under $1000.00 each."
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So who is paying for those trips whether $1000.00 more or less? Wait !! I have 2 answers, YOU and her EX’s child support!!! Anchor Away!!! If thats the case I would use the good old american "bail out plan" D I V O R C E
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Im in a situation thats the same..but im not married. Iv been diving for a few years and go away on dive trips ..but lately she in doors has started moaning and making me feel bad for diving. Iv talked and told her im only young once and only here once,,diving is what i love doing and it makes me happy... there comes a time when you have got to live your life your way and should not be made to feel bad about it. Iv told my partner il be diving for as long as i can..and if she makes me feel bad for being happy in life then she has got to go... watch this space.
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I’m not hiding who this is. It’s Becky, Greg’s wife (owner of DB) As most of you know, I’m not a diver. I have the same fear of the water and honestly, absolutely no desire to see under the water. I know that most of you don’t understand that because ya’ll love the water but I just don’t. For years, Greg tried to talk me into diving and still occasionally does. He can ask all that he wants but I think he has half way accepted that I’m not going to do it. Perio... Becky,
If Greg leaves you I’ll marry you. :) Just kidding.
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Don’t have the conversation inside the home. Have the conversation while you are leaning against your car. Tell her calmly, "Dear, sometimes men and women have different ideas about the meaning of fidelity. So, if you will not dive with me, that is one issue, I can respect that, but you telling me what I can do or cannot do is stepping beyond the boundaries of what I would call a faithful marriage. Let flip the shoe around to the other foot and see how this sounds. How does this sound, ’You know, so and so’s husband doesn’t let her go outside with her friends because he thinks that her place is in the home.’ Then ask her, ’Just how does that sound to you? Now, replay what you have said to me about what I can or cannot do and listen with your own ears to how that sounds?’" Give her a pause. Then, ask her what the date is and when she replies lookdown at your watch and tell her what time it is. Next, calmly ask her what she needs from the store and tell her that you are going shopping and will be right back. Diving is irrelevant. Mate, - if this were on the other foot and you were tell her what she can and cannot do and were keeping her locked up in the house your neighbors in a lot of states would file charges on you on her behalf. The diving is irrelevant, one person in a relationship who is telling the other person what they can and cannot do is abusive. It is time to claim your half of the relationship or set sail. Good luck.
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